wtf

Smalam ak buat dia marah.........huhuhu......

First time la orang ckp 'wtf' right in front of my face. Ok, walaupun its not a verbal communication, tp bile dia taip wtf tu, rasa cm tersentap gak la jantung. Yela, cuba ko bayangkan orang kate ko 'bangang' ke, 'sial' ke kat depan muke ko, tak ke sentap??

Seriusly, ak rasa cm kene panah petir. Pastu rasa cam nak benam muke dalam tanah. Bengang, malu, bodoh-sume perasaan tu blend jadi satu. Masalahnye, kitorg bukan tengah gaduh pon. Hanya sebab satu ayt yang ak kuarkan tu tak berkenan kat hati dia, tros dia bg ak perkataan keramat tu. Adeh!Mdouble triple sentap la effect dia.

Ak dah minta maaf but I guess, to make a man that angry, the feeling won't be the same anymore. U can't expect to make a man turn into Incredible Hulk and the next thing u know, you and him boleh giggle psl Doraemon. Tak kot.

OK, mungkin dia jenis yang kuat mencarut. Maybe....so 'wtf' tu is nothing for him. Tapi..........pape pon, ak telah buat dia marah and ak rasa sangat bersalah.

"I minta maaf...I tak maksudkan pape. I'm sorry"

"Solright"

Solright dia tu tetap x alright pada ak. Huhuhu...

Encik, u takyah la kawan ngan I lagi. I sebenarnye tak reti nk layan u...I rasa mcm org bodoh semalam. U takyah la layan orang bodoh cm I. Serius.....U kan ramai kawan lagi. Jangan kawan ngan I ek.

Huhuhuhu.......................................

*wtf=what the fuck

Pesan Mak..

Mak memang banyak berpesan pada anak-anak. Antara pesan Mak ialah;

"Kalau boleh...kalau boleh, jangan amik laki orang."

Anak Mak semua anak dara. Dia selalu pesan macam tu. Dia taknak anak dia jadi perosak rumah tangga orang.

Pernah kakak kedua ak ada skandal dengan laki orang. Well, of course it happen unintentionally. Lepas dah beberapa minggu bercinta, baru kakak tau yang laki tu dah kahwin. Bila kakak cakap nak putuskan hubungan , laki tu macam takleh terima kenyataan and masih lagi 'buru' kakak. Mak ambil keputusan hantar kakak ke JB, biar laki tu tak dapat contact kakak lagi. That was how serious my Mom on her words.

Ak pun camtu. Mintak simpang la jadi perampas. I saw the consequence of it..too many hearts will hurt-the wife, in-laws and especially the kids. Tak adilkan? Kununnya hanya kerana 'cinta yang tak dapat dipisahkan' 2 ekor ni, ramai pihak yang jadi mangsa.

So, I try my best to avoid this. Tapi..................................

Kalau tengok sejarah hidup ak, memang itu yang banyak berlaku. Entah kenapa, yang orang punye tu la yang ak suke. Masa zaman jahiliah dulu kan, ak pernah ade crush pada budak laki yang kwn baik ak minat. Dia suruh ak pas surat cinta kat boy ni, tp ak buang surat tu, ak buat surat baru dan bagi kat boy tu. Akhirnya boy tu dapat kat ak. Bila kawan baik ak tau pasal hal ni, ktorg tak kawan berminggu-minggu. And since then, hubungan ak ngan kawan baik ak hanya sekadar kawan je.

Bukan la nak berlagak yang kununnya ak ni 'meletup', vogue terlebih ke ape...that's definitely a No-No okay....Itu hanya kenangan masa lalu.

As for now, ak takde dah wat keje bodoh tu. Tapi skang yang terjadi ialah...

"I nak kat u"

"Abes dia?"

"I nak 2-2"

"Bullshit"

Or

"Awak dah ade gf? tunang? isteri?"

"Takde"-so kitaorang kawan rapat. Selepas 2,3 minggu

"Sorry saya tipu awak. Sebenarnye saya dah ada awek"

Aduuusssss.......Sorry, tapi saya ingat pesan mak. So no more rapat-rapat after this. Kita kawan je. Kalau dulu saya care terlebih, skang saya serahkan je tugas tu pada yang layak, iaitu awek korang. Kalau dulu saya ada sikit-sikit manja, skang kene garang. Tolong la faham yang ak kawan ngan korang sebab nak kawan je ye...bukan nak jadi kekasih gelap ke, pompuan simpanan ke, cinta terlarang korang ke. Mintang simpang!

Duda takpe, asal single. Kan Mak?? Heeee......

I need air...

I really am having the hardest time of my life.

Breathing is so damn difficult these days. Everytime I breath in, the air seems to stuck in my throat. Everytime I want to breath out, seems like there's no air inside my lung. It's hard.....

Nothing work accordingly. Everything seems out of order.

• Family - the reason why it is so difficult to breath.
• Work - make me stop breathing.
• Money - breathing slowly.
• Love - gasping for air.
• Friends - sometimes can breath, sometimes cannot.

Come on, I need to hold to something! OK, at least, my health doesn't gives me a lot of trouble (despite having the difficulty to breath). That's the only reason why I keep fighting till today. Of course I need to fight when I have no reason to lay off doing nothing.

Seriously, what am I suppose to do? I pray to Allah The Almighty but He knows better. What I wish might not be the best for me. I bow myself against His power but do I really have the gut to face the test?

Yang bagusnya bile ditimpa kesusahan macam ni, mula la rapatkan diri dengan Tuhan. Kalau dah sujud tu, rasa kalau boleh taknak bangun. Banyak sangat nak cakap, nk bentangkan usul, mengalahkan ADUN kat Parlimen. Kalau takde musibah ni, sembahyang aci siap je. Sembahyang pun ntah....err...takyah jujur sangat kot.

I pray to you Ya Rahim, please grant me my wish. If that's not permissable, then please give me strength, guidance and keberkatan to move on. I lay my trust on nothing but You. Amin...

Mimpi

Ak mimpi itu lagi......

Tak tahu kenapa, dah lama ak mimpikan mimpi ni. Lama tak lama la, sejak dari tahun lepas. Mimpi ni bukan kerap datang, seminggu x sekali pon..tapi kerap as in rasanya dah 4kali ak mimpikan mimpi ni, mungkin lebih, ak x ingat. Yang peliknya mimpi ni akan bermula dengan situasi yang sama.

Sedar-sedar ak dah ade dekat majlis. I can't see myself because what I see is from the view of my eyes. You understand? It's like I'm holding a video and recording the scene.

Clueless...I asked myself what happen? Then someone will tell me that it was my majlis. It was arranged by my family"Oh, arini majlis tunang/nikah ak and it was arranged, no wonder ak tak tau. Tapi siapa pasangan ak???

Then I will saw a man..from far away..when I looked at him, he will looked at me, like there was a great chemistry between us. He's smiling..smile so brighltly as it was our day. And I will ask myself again-Who is he???

From there, mimpi ak akan berubah. Pernah ak mimpi pasangan ak adalah that special person in my life, and I cry...Pernah ak mimpi pasangan ak adalah orang tua yang dah xde gigi! And I cry like hell!! Sampai bile ak tersedar dari mimpi, ak tersedu sedan dan pipi ak basah.

But last night, he was...okay. Muke hensem, lembut, sweet. He seems familiar but til now, i can't figure out who he is. The dream was beautiful...after we looked each other, we.....the dream is beautiful...

Why? Why I had this weird dream of me getting married? Kene kawen paksa lak tu. Adakah ini namanye seru? Is this a signal that it is the right time for me to get married? Masalahnye, kenapa bagi signal sekarang sedangkan ak takde calon?

Confuse.....

Silence

U sdih nape pulak ni
Received Aug 5, 200* 4.20pm

U, u ok x
Received Aug 5, 200* 2:21am

Ok...take care
Received Aug 5, 200* 2.49am

Rileks k...
Received Aug 6, 200* 9.02am

*********

Saya tengah sedih, kamu tau? Mana kamu?

Saya rindu kamu.....

Sent Today 12:28am

*Silence*